i haven’t posted in forever. And i probably won’t much again after this one, but i’m feeling talkative. Tonight i waited around cumberland for my friends to return from boston, i felt like such a proud mama on my kids first day of school. Kev’s little voice on the phone just pulled me right into their little night. Having an experience like this was somthing that you could tell would change their lives, and it did. I just looked at their faces and saw them so many years wiser. My perspectives on them will never change from what i saw on their faces tonight. It made my heart warm up like a small little fire was sitting underneath it. It made me appreciate that i still have a relationship with Dylan, he will always been one of my great loves in life. And it made me want to reach out to a friend i thought needed it. I’ve come from so many places and perspectives lately, everything is constantly changing. I saw how my brain can revert from one way of thinking to the other. I found a deeper meaning of love. I had found it before but i questioned its validity and tried to search for other possible prospects. But now i know what love is. Love is more than just a feeling, its an instinct. It draws you to the people who are there for you most, it drives a group closer and closer. Its the ability to find strength in any situation and persevere. True love breaks through all molds, its the strongest bond people can have among each other. You can look past all the bullshit, the snide comments, the bad jokes, the awkward moments, the bitter words, the heart ache, the drifting, and just see that the people in front of you make you the happiest in the world, and know they are all exactly feeling the same. Its souls connected undivided. The people who love you know you better than you know you, and are the people to tell you when your wrong, or doing soothing stupid, not caring what the consequence is, as long as you are protected they did their job, to love you.

And to you,

I don’t know i’m seriously rambling, but i totally respect the bonds amoung people. Like i know you will always love me and have a special spot for me in your heart fire. We dont love eachother anymore in that sense, but we love each other deeper than that. And to me that is more meaningful than anything. That gives me security, that means you want to be my friend, you want to love me on that deep level, your going to be there through all the bullshit. You mean so much to me. I love you.

your best friend.

After my accident i really saw life so much different. I’m getting my act together slowly, but its defiantly in effect. I am so excited to get my life on track. I can’t wait for school to start and go every day, and study! I can’t wait to see what becomes of myself in the next few years and of my friends. What kind of people we are going to be. I can’t wait for my real life to start, this was all just the wind up, im ready for the follow through to start. I am happy with the people i have in my life, the people i have met, the experiences i have had, the heartache i have suffered, the happiness i have shared. I wish i didn’t always feel like a little somthing was missing. But my new angle and finding that somthing is to just sit and wait and stop being so ancy to find it. I’m just going to let me life roll and work the hardest i can and i think with that, and my friends, i’ll be the happiest em alive.

@1 year ago